A little while back, I remember a coach of mine said to me, Jane “just be yourself”. I had no idea what she meant as I had lost contact with who I was. Subsequently, I went on an adventure to discover who I was. Part of that adventure, was learning to let go of the many things that were not me and were draining my energy.
A little while back I wrote about 8 habits I am learning to untangle from and here are 7 more. I hope the following list can also help you continue to just be yourself.
Ready? Let’s go…
1. Untangle from Comparison
What have you noticed to your energy when you compare your self to other people? For me, I feel quite drained. It can also lead to animosity, jealousy, competition and resentment. Underneath comparison is quite often a belief or sense we are not enough as we are, which is created by the ego, inner critic or monkey mind.
In his book, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, Eckhart Tolle talks about the ego and the roles it plays. He says –
“Why does the ego play roles? Because of one unexamined assumption, one fundamental error, one unconscious thought. That thought is I am not enough. Other unconscious thoughts follow: I need to play a role in order to get what I need to be fully myself; I need to get more so I can be more. But you cannot be more than you are because underneath your physical and psychological form, you are one with Life itself, one with Being. In form, you are and will always be inferior to some, superior to others. In essence, you are neither inferior nor superior to anyone. True self-esteem and true humility arise out of that realisation. In the eyes of the ego, self-esteem and humility are contradictory. In truth, they are one and the same.”
2. Untangle from Approval Addiction
Approval addiction is something I am quite familiar with. Not sure what it is?
In her book, Approval Addiction: Overcoming Your Need to Please Everyone,
In a few words – “approval addiction” is when a person feels unsure about themselves and then seeks a “fix” or “high” through approval from another person.
Can you relate? Is it something you think would be useful to untangle from?
3. Untangle from Control
Quite often in life we think we have control over many things, however have you ever sat down and really reflected on what you have control over? When I talk about control, I am referring to influencing the outcomes I would like through my decisions, skills, attitude, work ethic and actions. When something is outside of my control the outcome is left up to “fate” and I have little influence on the outcome.
A few years ago when I was being challenged by control and feeling a deep sense of responsibility for things outside of my control, the following quote came in to my life –
“I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours and God’s. Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our business. When I think, “You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself,” I am in your business. When I’m worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God’s business. If I am mentally in your business or in God’s business, the effect is separation.” ~ Byron Katie
4. Untangle from Pushing Through
Pushing through can happen in your professional life as well as your private life. It is that feeling that you have to keeping going. You have to attend the social events, complete the reports and everything else on your to do list, even though your body is asking you to rest.
You ignore the signals. The guilt is too much to deal with. Thoughts like “What they think of me if I don’t go?” and “no-one can complete the report as good as me” go through your mind.
And so you push through. You remind yourself that you will rest later when you have more time. When there are fewer demands on you and your time.
However, as the days, weeks and months go by, you start to realise the demands don’t stop. You realise people are continually wanting something from you.
Bit by bit, you start to realise that you are the one who needs to create clear boundaries in your life and know what is best for you in any given moment.
You start to realise, you need to rest and untangle from pushing through!
5. Untangle from Blame
One of the most destructive habits human beings can have is blame.
Now please don’t get me misunderstand me here, I know many people have had really challenging situations go on in their life (I get that very deeply) and yes it could be quite easy to play the blame game. However, I believe we are here to learn what we need to and master life.
6. Untangle from Self-Doubt
Self-doubt is “the feeling of not having confidence in yourself or your abilities.” – Macmillan Dictionary. There are many feelings associated with self-doubt, however there are also behaviours. Some behaviours linked to self-doubt include procrastination, overworking and not speaking up with your ideas.
7. Untangle from Overcommitment
Have you ever heard yourself saying, “Sure I can do that” or “No worries, I can do that as well.” Then later on as you look at your diary, you realise that trying to fit that extra thing in to your schedule leaves you feeling anxious and stressed out?
Over-committment is a habit that many of us are challenged with. It can effect your health, work, stress levels, relationships as well as your sanity.
Have these 7 habits been of help for you?
Feel free to share any insights below or on our Facebook page here.
If you are ready to take yourself on the adventure of getting to know yourself (your true self), why not join the Toolkit? A place where I share tools, inspiration and ideas to live a courageous and openhearted life.
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