8 Habits to Start Untangling to Be Yourself

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

A little while back, I remember a coach of mine said to me, Jane “just be yourself”. I had no idea what she meant as I had lost contact with who I was. Subsequently, I went on an adventure to discover who I was. Part of that adventure, was learning to let go of the many things that were not me and were draining my energy.

The following list are some habits that I am learning to untangle from, so I can continue to just be myself.  I hope that can also help you!

Ready? Let’s go…

 

1. Untangle from Worrying

If you are a habitual worrier, you may already be familiar with the following definitions of worrying –

  • “causing anxiety about actual or potential problems; alarming.” ~ Google and Oxford Dictionaries
  • to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret ~ Dictionary.com
  • “To feel uneasy or concerned about something; be troubled ~ The Free Dictionary

Is there anything you would add to these definitions of worrying?

Do you agree it would be useful to untangle from it?

 

2. Untangle from Guilt

In her book, I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough”Brené Brown looks at guilt this way –

  • Guilt is an emotion that comes from self-evaluation. Guilt comes from the thought “I have done something bad”, “I have done something wrong” or “I made a mistake” – which focuses on the behaviour.

Guilt also holds an action or behaviour up against our values, morals or ethics. For example – when we make a mistake, we evaluate the behaviour (e.g. eating too much) and can feel guilt when the behaviour is inconsistent with who we are or who we want to be (e.g. fit and healthy). When we hold on to guilt it drains our energy.

 

3. Untangle from Self-Criticism

Have you ever wanted to try something new, change something, ask for help or pursue a passion? Then, as you muster enough courage to take small steps towards these changes or situations, you start to feel nervous, anxious or fearful?

You may even notice a voice inside your head constantly evaluating you why these changes could never happen – you’re not clever or skilled enough, everything you do is wrong, you’ll run out of money or a variety of other distorted thoughts.

Well done – you are human! And, we all have this self-criticism and quite often a self-sabotaging voice inside our heads that can hold us back. Some people are aware of this inner critic or voice and some people are not.

Imagine what life would be like if we were more aware of the inner critic and could choose to respond to it instead of react? Well we can!

 

4. Untangle from Overwhelm

Have you ever had that feeling where the number of tasks on your ‘to-do’ list is completely out of control? Maybe you are continually running late for appointments? Or missing deadlines or important events? Chances are you are familiar with overwhelm and don’t worry, you are definitely not alone! That place of overwhelm is familiar…

Some definitions of overwhelm include –

  • “bury or drown beneath a huge mass of something, especially water” ~ Google
  • “to overwhelm completely in mind or feeling” ~ Dictionary.com
  • “to burden excessively” or “to overpower in mind or feeling” ~ the Free Dictionary.
  • “to affect (someone) very strongly” or “to cause (someone) to have too many things to deal with” ~ Learner’s Dictionary.

Anything you would add?

Can you see why it would be useful to untangle from overwhelm?

 

5. Untangle from the Need to Always Be Right

Generally speaking, people like to be right. Maybe it’s because we have been conditioned from birth to defend ourselves or convince other people we are “right”. We are conditioned through our schooling systems, through sport, our relationships and the environments we grow up in.

One thing I started to realise about “being right”, is when one person is right, generally the other person is perceived as “wrong”.

What if there was another way? What if we could choose to be kind over being right?

 

6. Untangle from Procrastination

If you have been a procrastinator for a while, you may already be familiar with the following definitions of procrastination –

  • “the action of delaying or postponing something” ~ Google
  • “the act of habit of procrastinating, or putting off or delaying, especially something requiring immediate attention” ~ Dictionary.com
  • “the act of procrastinating; putting off or delaying or deferring an action to a later time” ~ The Free Dictionary
  • “to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done” ~ Merriam-Webster
  •  “the action of delaying or postponing something” ~ Oxford Dictionaries

In the above definitions of procrastination, you probably noticed the words –

Is there anything you would add to these definitions of procrastination?

Do you think it would be useful to start to untangle from procrastination?

 

7. Untangle from Excuses

Excuses appear real and they are to the ego. They are a long list of explanations and defenses we create to protect us from vulnerability or being truly seen. There are many excuses from “I’m too old” to “I don’t have enough… (money, knowledge etc.).

Excuses are draining and unless we are willing to untangle from them, can hold you back from leading a happy and fulfilling life.

 

8. Untangle from Perfectionism

Perfectionism is hard to define, however the following definition gives some good insights –

  • “A disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable; especially: the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness.” ~ Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary
  • “A personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything less.” ~ Dictionary.com
  •  “Refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.” ~ Oxford Dictionaries

In the above definitions of perfectionism, you probably noticed the words –

  • unrealistically demanding goals,
  • a sign of personal worthlessness, and
  • rejection or refusal of anything less (than perfectionism).

Perfectionism is very draining and creates stress and suffering in your life. Which is why it is useful to start to untangle from it!

 

Over to You!

Are there any other habits you would like to untangle from to be yourself? If so, feel free to share any insights below or on our Facebook page here.

 

Also, if you are ready to take yourself on the adventure of getting to know yourself (your true self), why not join the Toolkit? A place where I share tools, inspiration and ideas to live a courageous and openhearted life.

 

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