Starting to Transform the Disease to Please

During the past few months, my boundaries have been tested again. As a recovering people-pleaser (aka the one that rarely says “no” or the “nice girl”), I am familiar with my patterns around this after many, many years of inner work. However, I also needed a reminder about how far I have come and it reminded me about the Ten Commandments of People Pleasing that was written by Harriet Braiker in her book the Disease to Please.


The Ten Commandments of People Pleasing

Following are the ten commandments of people pleasing. When I first came across them, I felt like someone had been in my mind! Can you relate to any of them –

  1. I should always do what others want, expect, or need from me.
  2. I should take care of everyone around me whether they ask for my help or not.
  3. I should always listen to everyone’s problems and try my best to solve them, whether I am asked to or not.
  4. I should always be nice and never hurt anyone’s feelings.
  5. I should always put other people first, before me.
  6. I should never say no to anyone who need or requests something of me.
  7. I should never disappoint anyone or let others down in any way.
  8. I should always be happy and upbeat and never show any negative feelings to others.
  9. I should always try to please other people and make them happy.
  10. I should try never to burden others with my own needs or problems.

Can  you relate to any (or all) of the above? If so, welcome to the community, however please know there is a way out! Constantly “shoulding” on yourself’ is a distorted thinking pattern and can be toxic. Continually serving others at the expense of yourself eventually take its toll on your overall health and wellbeing.


Over to You…

Now you know the Ten Commandments of People-Pleasing, you can decide if they are serving you and whether you are ready to start to transform the disease to please. If you have any questions, feel free to share them below!


If you are ready to reclaim your courage and take the next step towards freedom and opening your heartwhy not join our Toolkit?


Reference –

Braiker, H. (2001). The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome. USA: McGraw-Hill. 

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