I am not sure about you, however vulnerability is one thing I have tried to avoid in my life! To be honest, I didn’t know what it was or what I was avoiding, pushing away or protecting, however I knew it was something deep down inside me that was uncomfortable, and well, showed my vulnerability (or feeling naked or exposed)…
It wasn’t until mindfulness found me, that I started peeling back my own layers of protection (i.e. armor) and then later the work of Dr Brené Brown, that the dots started connecting.
What Is This Thing Called Vulnerability?
To get some clarity on vulnerability, I discovered the following definitions –
- “the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.” ~ Google
- “the quality of being vulnerable (= able to be easily hurt, influenced, or attacked)” ~ Cambridge Dictionary
In the book Daring Greatly, Dr Brené Brown, writes that vulnerability is defined as –
“uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure” and “the core, the heart, the centre, of meaningful human experience.”
And goes on to write that –
“vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper or meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” It is also indicated that “Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings” (p.33).
As I read those sentences on vulnerability it brings home how courageous a journey it is to show up, be seen and truly be yourself. How about you? Also, there are some great vulnerability quotes here 🙂
Some Examples of Vulnerability…
Before I share some examples of vulnerability, I want to point out we are all unique and are on our own adventure or pilgrimage of life. Subsequently, what is challenging or vulnerable for one person is not for another and vice versa, as there are so many variables between us all including age, gender, cultural, environmental etc. Subsequently, it’s important to have a safe space around us – one that is supportive, open and non-judgmental around these vulnerabilities.
A few examples of vulnerability Brené refers to in her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, include –
- “Saying no”
- “Asking for help“
- “Standing up for myself”
- “Calling a friend whose child has just died”
- “The first date after my divorce”
- “Getting fired”
- “Falling in love”
- “Getting pregnant after three miscarriages”
- “Exercising in public, especially when I don’t know what I am doing and I’m out of shape”
- “Admitting I’m afraid“
- “Being accountable”
- “Laying off employees” (p.36).
I don’t know about you, however I can relate to a number of those! Currently, the couple of areas I feel most vulnerable about are – starting to date again, this business and sharing in this journal (I can’t believe I just shared those). Trust me, it is a big deal and I feel it…
Vulnerability Feels Like…
As I stated above, we are all unique and therefore many of the feelings we feel in relation to vulnerability, are also unique to us as well. What do vulnerability feel like for you? For me, as I am currently writing about my vulnerabilities I feel my heart opening, a variety of sensations in my stomach and fear and relief. What is it for you?
A couple of examples of feelings of vulnerability Brené refers to in her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, include –
- “Not sucking it in anymore”
- “Sweaty palms and a racing heart”
- “Taking off a straightjacket”
- “It’s where courage and fear meet”
- “Taking a the first step to what you fear the most”
- “The terrifying point on a roller coaster when you’re about to tip over the edge and take the plunge”
- “It feels so awkward and scary, but it makes me feel human and alive” (p.36).
Can you relate to any of those? I have come to realise that when learning to embody vulnerabilty, it’s important to be aware of vulnerability when it arises in the present moment, accept it wholly and be kind to your self (i.e. have self-compassion).
An Important Reminder on Vulnerability…
One thing I also enjoyed reading about in Daring Greatly about is Brené’s reference to vulnerability is the difference between “letting it all hang out” and true vulnerability. Brené talks about vulnerability being –
“…based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust. It’s not oversharing, it’s not purging, it’s not indiscriminate disclosure and it’s not celebrity-style social media information dumps. Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. Being vulnerable and open is mutual and an integral part of the trust-building process” (p.45).
Have you read the book? If so, feel free to share any comments in the comments section below and remember to take care of yourself 🙂
Over to You…
If you would like to read any more about vulnerability, feel free to have a look at Dr Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Also, if you require support around your mental health and wellbeing, please get the appropriate support – there are a few websites listed here.
If you are ready to reclaim your courage and take the next step towards freedom and opening your heart, why not join our Toolkit?
Reference –
Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York, USA: Penguin.
50 Comments
Sandrine
September 30, 2016Hi, are there other books you could recommend to learn to embody vulnerability? Brene Brown’s didn’t work for me. Many thanks in advance.
Jane
October 1, 2016Thanks Sandrine for the message. There are a number of resources I have included on http://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/book-store/ – hope that helps you. If it doesn’t, please let me know. Warm wishes, Jane
[…] the truth so difficult? Being totally honest with ourselves and others is the ultimate example of vulnerability. Brene Brown defines it as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” Sounds like […]
[…] March 25, 2019 / from https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/vulnerability-is/ […]
[…] Jane. (n.d.). Vulnerability is. Habits for Wellbeing. Retrieved from http://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/vulnerability-is/ […]
[…] know I have in the past. I had a lot of fear and vulnerability attached to making mistakes and failure and this would stop me from trying new things. I also […]
[…] 100% know, so it is OK to accept that, have the courage to step forward, feel my feelings / vulnerability and realise I don’t have to be […]
[…] and engages you deeply as it brings you face-to-face with your deepest fears, self-doubts, vulnerabilities and insecurities. On the journey you question how you are living your life and whether or not it is […]
[…] can be challenging for individuals as it involves exposing weaknesses and imperfections (i.e. vulnerabilities). The ‘blind spot’ can also be exploited by other […]
[…] vulnerability and […]
[…] vulnerability and let themselves be seen and live and love with their whole heart knowing there are no […]
[…] you like to find the courage to step forward (with awareness of your vulnerability, but not be held back by it) as the leader in your life? If so and you would also like to learn […]
[…] you like to find the courage to step forward (with awareness of your vulnerability, but not be held back by it) as the leader in your life? If so and you would also like to learn […]
[…] you like to find the courage to step forward (with awareness of your vulnerability, but not be held back by it) as the leader in your life? If so and you would also like to learn […]
[…] you like to find the courage to step forward (with awareness of your vulnerability, but not be held back by it) as the leader in your life? If so and you would also like to learn […]
[…] you like to find the courage to step forward (with awareness of your vulnerability, but not be held back by it) as the leader in your life? If so and you would also like to learn […]
[…] you like to find the courage to step forward (with awareness of your vulnerability, but not be held back by it) as the leader in your life? If so and you would also like to learn […]
[…] after yourself? Would you like to find the courage to step forward (with awareness of your vulnerability, but not be held back by it) as the leader in your life? If so and you would also like to learn […]
[…] you like to find the courage to step forward (with awareness of your vulnerability, but not be held back by it) as the leader in your life? If so and you would also like to learn […]
[…] you like to find the courage to step forward (with awareness of your vulnerability, but not be held back by it) as the leader in your life? If so and you would also like to learn […]
[…] you like to find the courage to step forward (with awareness of your vulnerability, but not be held back by it) as the leader in your life? If so and you would also like to learn […]
[…] Rumi once said – “Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” So I figure, if I am trying to defend myself and/or not listen to criticism, there is a barrier within me that I have built (without realising it consciously) where I am not loving or accepting of myself. A part of me that I want to hide (i.e. not be fully seen in my vulnerability). […]
[…] uncertainty and shame. When people know this they armour up and when they armour up from the vulnerability they are cutting themselves off from the birthplace of love, joy, belonging, trust, empathy, […]
[…] dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy – the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our […]
[…] it takes courage to see things as they really are (not as we would like them to be) as there is vulnerability […]
[…] girl for the world to come back in to balance? Yes, that part of our self that is compassionate, vulnerable, intuitive, forgiving and […]
[…] has been protected in some ways by the part that is quite strong and competent. It has a very deep vulnerability to it and really does not know what is going to happen – all it can do is be here now and […]
[…] self-sabotage is that I was sometimes trying to protect myself (or who I thought I was) and my vulnerabilities and not actually […]
[…] and months. Maybe it was from the many years of playing tennis and learning how to protect the many vulnerabilities that I kept protected under the […]
[…] a row). Subsequently, I was quite fearful of making mistakes, failing and being fully seen in my vulnerabilities. I had many associations in my mind about failure and wrote a post about my experience of learning […]
[…] a row). Subsequently, I was quite fearful of making mistakes, failing and being fully seen in my vulnerabilities. I had many associations in my mind about failure and wrote a post about my experience of learning […]
[…] enough the way I was), worried what other people would think of me and protecting myself from those vulnerabilities. I definitely did not want to feel these feelings (as I was extremely scared) and I also did not […]
[…] to control other people (which can come from childhood and conditioning). There can be a real vulnerability involved. So make you sure look after yourself, show some self-compassion and get extra […]
[…] two principles I found challenging were alignment (seeing my excuses, which I think links to vulnerabilty) and being in the now (presence). However, I had a strategy to overcome both of them. I decided […]
[…] whole accident has been a challenge for me and brought to the surface many deeper vulnerabilities – including a deeper sense of letting be or letting go, losing control, and facing my self […]
[…] wonder if has something do with vulnerability, or blocks like excuses, faulty thinking or something else like fear, expectations, memories or past […]
[…] Now when I really realised I was losing control, I was absolutely petrified. Why? Because I had spent much of my life protecting my deep vulnerabilities through thinking I had control – imagining myself to be this person society and I had ‘labelled’ myself to be, only to find out it was an illusion! It was very confronting and I remember shedding many tears during that time as deep down I knew there was no more hiding and it was time to face those deeper vulnerabilities. […]
[…] termed a stress reaction. These reactions are often learned from past experiences and cover up our vulnerability. Generally when we react, the situation that happened is not acknowledged (i.e. we habitually […]
[…] ourselves? Are we worried about what other people think? Or maybe we are fearful of showing our vulnerabilities? I really don’t know what it is for you, however I can relate to these three areas (and many […]
[…] Vulnerability is… […]
[…] – we can feel extremely vulnerable when we connect with our feelings and emotions, so please take care of yourself and have […]
[…] Vulnerability is… […]
[…] vulnerability our most accurate measurement of courage? Is vulnerability the birthplace of innovation, creativity […]
[…] vulnerability. I am not sure why (and it doesn’t really matter), however as I have embodied vulnerability (and not having the answers and knowing I am enough the way I am) the more I feel comfortable in […]
[…] of the things I continue to be aware of is how vulnerable I am in life. In the past, I wanted to know the outcome of something before I did it, would try and […]
[…] Vulnerability is… […]
[…] are 20 inspirational quotes on vulnerability […]
[…] Vulnerability is… […]
[…] Vulnerability is… […]
[…] Vulnerability is… […]
Leave A Response