What Are Some Signs of Red Flags in a Relationship?

The past few months, I have had my boundaries tested again. Subsequently, I knew I needed to learn more and untangle what was holding that pattern in place. In my search, I came across the book – Are You the One for Me? by Barbara de Angelis. In the book, de Angelis refers to nine fatal flaws to watch out for in a partner. I prefer to call these red flags.

What is Red Flag?

A red flag is something that the other person does in a relationship that flags a potential problem – either then or later in to the future. In relationships “red flags” are a sign and alert us to key characteristics to watch out for as they can make a relationship anywhere from challenging to a nightmare.


What Are Some Signs of Red Flags in a Relationship?

Before I share some signs of red flags in a relationship, I just want to point out that none of us is perfect and therefore each of us have imperfections. Subsequently, it is up to you which characteristics you draw the line on and create boundaries around. The nine signs of red flags in a relationship that de Angelis refers to are –

  1. Addictions,
  2. Anger,
  3. Victim consciousness,
  4. Control freak,
  5. Sexual dysfunction,
  6. Hasn’t grown up,
  7. Emotionally unavailable,
  8. Hasn’t recovered from past relationships, and
  9. Emotional damage from childhood.

I also like how Brené Brown mentions red flags in Rising Strong

“Too much twee emotional expression – too many claims like, “Everything is awesome,” or “I just never really feel angry or upset,” or “If you’re just positive, you can turn that frown upside down,” – often masks real pain and hurt. These behaviors are as much red flags as brooding and anger are….Being all light is as dangerous as being all dark, simply because denial of emotion is what feeds the dark.”


Over to You…

I hope this post has given you a little insight in to some signs of red flags in relationships. Are there any other red flags you would add? If so, feel free to share them below! To learn more about each of these red flags, you might like to have a look at Barbara de Angelis’s book Are You the One for Me? – I found it very useful and explains the reasons why each of these red flags can be challenges in a relationship. Ultimately, please remember that you get to choose what is right for you and what is not 🙂


If you are ready to reclaim your courage and take the next step towards freedom and opening your heartwhy not join our Toolkit?


References –

Brown, B. (2015). Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution. New York, USA: Random House.

de Angelis, B. (2012). Are You the One for Me? How to Have the relationship You’ve Always Wanted. New York, USA: HarperCollins Publishers.

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