Time to Stop Abandoning Yourself?

You know that moment, when you develop deep insight? As if something within you has shone so deeply that there is no more hiding? For me, I had one of those experiences on the weekend when I was having a conversation with a friend on my birthday. After the conversation, the following quote came across my path and again it resonated so deeply with me.

“The most common form of despair is not being who you are.” ~ Søren Kierkegaard

Subsequently, today I wanted to share with you some of my thoughts on abandonment, including 3 ways we can abandon ourselves. Let’s get started…


What is Abandonment?

So we are on the same page about abandonment, I went back to the dictionary and found some definitions. These definitions of abandonment include –

  • “the act of abandoning something or someone” ~ Merriam-Webster
  • “an act or instance of leaving a person or thing permanently and completely” ~ Dictionary.com
  • “the act of leaving someone or something or of ending or stopping something, usually forever” ~ Cambridge Dictionary

And these are the couple I found on abandon, which links to the above –

  • “to give up to the control or influence of another person or agent” ~ Merriam-Webster
  • To withdraw one’s support or help from, especially in spite of duty, allegiance, or responsibility; desert” and “To give up by leaving or ceasing to operate or inhabit, especially as a result of danger or other impending threat” ~ The Free Dictionary

As I was writing those definitions, I thought abandonment relating to ourselves and created the following from the above.


What is Self-Abandonment?

The definitions of self-abandonment created from the above –

  • the act of abandoning our selves,
  • an act or instance of leaving our selves permanently and completely, 
  • the act of leaving our selves or of ending or stopping something, usually forever, 
  • to give up to the control or influence of our selves
  • withdraw our own support or help, and
  • give up on our selves by leaving or ceasing to operate or inhabit, especially as a result of danger or other impending threat.

Are there any other additions you would make to the above on self-abandonment?


3 Ways We Can Abandon Ourselves

Over the years, I have discovered many ways I have abandoned my self, including –

  • Saying ‘yes’ to something, when I would have preferred to say ‘no’,
  • Getting a good idea, however not following thought on it, and
  • Wanting other people’s approval.

1. Saying ‘Yes’

Have you ever said ‘yes’ to something, when you would have preferred to say ‘no’. Don’t worry, you are not alone. Yes, I know saying ‘no’ can be changing, however what I have realised is that I needed to learn to say ‘no’ to some opportunities as they were taking away from the time and energy I could invest following my own dreams. As Paulo Coelho so eloquently said,

“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself!”

2. Getting a Good Idea

Ever had a good idea or a dream and not follow through on it? Yep – I have been there as well 🙂 However, I have learnt to honour those ideas and now have a process in place to honour them. This process helps me to decide if I want to follow through on them or not. Oprah said it this way –

“There is nothing worse than betraying yourself.”

3. Wanting Other People’s Approval

Now if you have been around here for a while, you might know I spent many years untangling my own approval addiction. This became very draining for me personally and I needed to learn another way. Fortunately, I did and continue to practise trusting myself. I like how Susan Jeffers referred to self-trust –

“Remember that underlying all our fears is a lack of trust in ourselves.”


There are also other ways we can abandon ourselves, including –

  • Purchasing items that you know you don’t have the money for,
  • Avoiding challenging feelings and emotions (i.e. loneliness),
  • Looking for people to ‘complete you’,
  • Not taking care of your needs,
  • Comparing ourselves to other people,
  • Being friends with people who hurt you, and
  • Not being present in the moment.


Why Does Self-Abandonment Matter?

For me, self-abandonment matters because you matter. Yes, truly! Your feelings, your dreams, your health, your voice. your relationships. they all matter as they are part of you and you have a gift to bring in to the world that only you can deliver:)


Over to You…

I hope this has given you some insight in to the ways we can abandon ourselves. Are you ready to stop abandoning yourself? Remember – life is an adventure and we are here to grown and evolve. So be kind to yourself 🙂


If you are ready to reclaim your courage and take the next step towards freedom and opening your heartwhy not join our Toolkit?

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