Trying to Get it Right!

Have you ever struggled with trying to get things just right in life? If you have you are so not alone! During the past few months it has come back in to my awareness, how I am caught up by this process of right and wrong. I can see how my mind makes judgement and meaning around right and wrong, however as I learn to embody this, I am also finding there are a few feelings attached to this pattern of behaviour for me as well. So where did it come from?

As I look at this pattern of right and wrong, I can see it is part of some early conditioning. Growing up I was continually receiving feedback from the outside world (i.e. coaches, media, teachers, parents, friends, family etc.) on right and wrong. For example, when I was playing tennis if I made a mistake (i.e. hit the ball in to the net or out past the baseline) I was often given feedback that I had done something ‘wrong’ and had to change it to get a different result. Fair enough – as I was aiming to have the tennis ball go in the court! As I kept hearing this feedback, some how it was then interpreted by my mind and a judgement was made – right was good and wrong was bad. I can see I also linked pleasure to being right and pain to being wrong. As I kept thinking this pattern over and over a belief was formed and I would try extremely hard to avoid pain (which linked in to many of my behaviours).

Now please note, I am simplifying my experience here and am showing how I got caught up in this split of the mind. I have learnt now everything just is – right here right now in this moment. However, this has taken a lot of reflection, practice, strength and courage to realise as I had inner work to do or unravel/unlearn different thought patterns. I was also quite stubborn! At stages, I am still guilty of coming out of the present moment. Why? I think this is because in my past I did not want to be in my body (for a variety of reasons), so I would do everything to get out of it – from eating to exercising to learning. When this happens now, I notice and get back to the moment.

As I continue on this journey, I am noticing the time between when I get into my head (generally trying to intellectually work things out) and out of the present moment, notice, decide and then choose to get back in to my body and being present is decreasing. Moment by moment, I continue to feel the feelings and emotions attached to this belief pattern and as I do this I am unravelling the pattern I had of right = good/pleasure/reward/success and wrong = bad/aversion/pain/punishment/failure and accepting what is – in this moment, right here right now. This continues to give me the flexibility to respond to life or just be instead of reacting, which is a real gift! Which reminds me of the poem I shared last week about the Zen Master. Click here to read the post – Is that so?


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