Creating Boundaries With Courage

During the past few months, my boundaries have been tested again. As a recovering people-pleaser (aka the one that rarely says “no” or the “nice girl”), I am very familiar with my patterns after many, many years of inner work untangling my unhealthy boundaries. One thing that did surprise me this time though was how clear I was about what was happening, my trust in myself and how easily I said “no” without an explanation or apologising. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have work to do, however I am glad I continue to create boundaries with courage.

 

What is a Boundary?

Let’s start with some definitions of a boundary. A boundary is –

  • “a line which marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.” ~ Google and Oxford Dictionary
  • “something (such as a river, a fence, or an imaginary line) that shows where an area ends and another area begins.” ~ Merriam-Webster
  • “Something that indicates a border or limit.” ~ The Free Dictionary

 

What are Personal Boundaries?

Personal boundaries are similar to the boundaries described above, however the lines relate to people and their behaviour. The lines are similar to property lines and –

  • define where your responsibility begins and where it ends,
  • help keep us safe and see who we are and who we are not,
  • clarify your needs in a relationship,
  • provide a moral compass,
  • are held in place by decisions and actions,
  • is a limit that promotes integrity,
  • evolve throughout our lives,
  • can be visible (i.e. physical boundaries like fences) or invisible (i.e. emotional boundaries),
  • contribute to healthy relationships, and
  • allow us to see our responsibility for ourselves and to others.

 

What is Courage?

There are many definitions of courage including –

  • “the ability to do something that frightens one; bravery,” and “strength in the face of pain or grief.” ~ Google
  • “the ability to control your fear in a dangerous or difficult situation” and “to be brave and confident enough to do what you believe in” ~ Cambridge Dictionary
  • “The ability to do something that frightens one; bravery” ~ Oxford Dictionaries
  • “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty” ~ Merriam-Webster Dictionary
  • The Latin origin of cor means ‘heart’ and middle English denotes the heart, as the seat of feelings.

 

What Do Healthy Boundaries Look Like?

The following image shows what healthy and unhealthy boundaries look like –

Creating Boundaries With Courage

After reading the definitions of boundaries, personal boundaries and courage, what does Boundaries With Courage mean for you? For me it is about respect, responsibility, trust, love and compassion. It is also recognising that boundaries are important in all aspects of our lives. For example –

  • Emotional – e.g. being true to yourself and nourishing your energy,
  • Environmental / Legal – e.g. laws within society (i.e. property or driving a car),
  • Psychological – e.g. allowing you to choose what you think about and believe,
  • Physical / Sexual – e.g. your body and having the right to say ‘no’ in a relationship,
  • Financial – e.g. where you choose to spend and invest your money,
  • Relationship / Social – e.g. the different roles and/or relationships you have in your life,
  • Professional – e.g. your roles and responsibilities at work, and
  • Spiritual – e.g. knowing your core values and who you are.

 

Over to You…

I hope this post has give you some insight in to creating boundaries with courage. What words resonate with your around boundaries? Feel free to share them below! Also, if you have any comments, please leave them below or pop over to our Facebook page. If you are ready to start creating boundaries with courage, click here.

 

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