3 Ways We Can Start Untangling from Self-Deception

You know that moment, when you start to see with greater clarity? As if something within you has awoken so deeply that there is no more hiding? For me, I had one of those experiences yesterday when I was having a conversation with a friend. After the conversation, the following quote came across my path and again it resonated so deeply with me.

“The most common form of despair is not being who you are.” ~ Søren Kierkegaard

Subsequently, today I wanted to share with you some of my thoughts on self-deception, including 3 ways we can deceive ourselves as well as ways we can start to untangle from self-deception. Let’s get started…


Why Does Self-Deception Matter?

For me, self-deception matters because you matter. Yes, truly! Your feelings, your dreams, your health, your voice. your relationships. They matter because they are part of you 🙂


What is Self-Deception?

A number of definitions on self-deception exist, including –

  • “the action or practice of allowing oneself to believe that a false or unvalidated feeling, idea, or situation is true.” ~ Google
  • “Self-deception involves allowing yourself to believe something about yourself that is not true, because the truth is more unpleasant.” ~ Collins Dictionary
  • “the act of hiding the truth from yourself” ~ Cambridge Dictionary
  • “the act or fact of deceiving oneself.” ~ Dictionary.com

Are there any more definitions of self-deception that resonate with you? If so, feel free to share them below.


3 Signs of Self-Deception

When we start to look at self-deception, it is important to honour yourself and be compassionate towards your self as quite often defence mechanisms or coping strategies come in to awareness and we may even need self-forgiveness.

Over the years, I have discovered many ways I have deceived my self, including –

  • Living in denial,
  • Avoiding possible conflict and difficult situations, and
  • Thinking I was doing an activity more than I actually was (i.e. moving my body).

1. Living in Denial –

Occasionally, I used to think DENIAL might work, however it didn’t. I had to be honest with myself and what my dreams were, which meant to not live in DENIAL (Didn’t Even kNow I Am Lying) any longer. Yes, I realised

“The truth will set you free.” ~ Unknown.

2. Avoiding Possible Conflict and Difficult Situations –

Yes as a recovering people pleaser, this is something I still need to be mindful of. Remember I am human and there are still some things I am unsure of about myself and occasionally this lack of clarity can result in me not wanting to face difficult situations. However, I continue to meet life’s challenges (and lets face it we have had a few these past few years) and I aim to remember –

“Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.” ~ Judy Garland

3. Perceptions v’s Reality

This reminds me of the great video – it is not about the nail (click here to watch it). In the past, there have occasions when I  thought I was doing something more than what I was. For example – a few years back, I thought I was moving my body more (perception) than what I was (reality).

“If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.” ~ William Blake

Are there any other signs of self-deception you can come up with? If so, feel free to share them below.

3 Ways We Can Start Untangling from Self-Deception

There are many ways to untangle from self-deception, following are three ideas.

1. Be Honest With Yourself

The first way to can start to untangle from self-deception is be honest with ourselves. Being honest means “telling the truth or able to be trusted and not likely to steal, cheat, or lie” ~ Cambridge Dictionary.

2. Listen to Feedback

Yes feedback can be uncomfortable, however I also know whom I can trust to give me real constructive feedback as they are in the arena with me. And as John Maxwell wrote –

“If we’re growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zone”.

3. Track Your Changes

Yep I am a tracker as I know my own data is not telling stories. For example – I track when I am making changes so I can keep myself accountable. That is also why there is a tracker in the journals I created and clients have found them useful (especially the visual learners).


Over to You…

It is time to start transforming self-deception? If so, is honesty a good place to start. For me, this is one of the reasons why I continue to reflect, practise what I share and do the  28-day circles. I want to keep holding myself accountable and live as whole-heartedly connected life as possible. And as Wayne Dyer so eloquently said –

“Don’t die with your music still in you.”


I hope this has given you some insight in to the ways we can deceive ourselves. Remember – life is an adventure and we are here to grown and evolve. So be kind to yourself 🙂


If you are ready to reclaim your courage and take the next step towards freedom and opening your heartwhy not join our Toolkit?

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