3 Ways We Can Betray Ourselves

You know that moment, when you see clearly? As if something within you has shone so deeply that there is no more hiding? For me, I had one of those experiences yesterday when I was having a conversation with a friend. After the conversation, the following quote came across my path and again it resonated so deeply with me.

“The most common form of despair is not being who you are.” ~ Søren Kierkegaard

Subsequently, today I wanted to share with you some of my thoughts on self-betrayal, including 3 ways we can betray ourselves. Let’s get started…


What is Self-Betrayal?

So we are on the same page about self-betrayal, here is the definition I found when researching self-betrayal –

  • “the intentional or inadvertent revelation of the truth about one’s actions or thoughts” ~ Google and Encyclopedia.com

And these are the couple I found on betrayal –

  • “to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling” ~ Dictionary.com
  • “the action of betraying one’s country, a group, or a person; treachery.” ~ Google

As I was writing those definitions, I thought self-betrayal also linked to self-deception.


What is Self-Deception?

A number of definitions on self-deception exist, including –

  • “the action or practice of allowing oneself to believe that a false or unvalidated feeling, idea, or situation is true.” ~ Google
  • “Self-deception involves allowing yourself to believe something about yourself that is not true, because the truth is more unpleasant.” ~ Collins Dictionary
  • “the act of hiding the truth from yourself” ~ Cambridge Dictionary
  • “the act or fact of deceiving oneself.” ~ Dictionary.com

Do you agree there are some links between self-betrayal and self-deception?


3 Ways We Can Betray Ourselves

Over the years, I have discovered many ways I have betrayed my self, including –

  • Saying ‘yes’ to something, when I would have preferred to say ‘no’,
  • Getting a good idea, however not following through on it, and
  • Being super judgemental on ourselves.

1. Saying ‘Yes’

Have you ever said ‘yes’ to something, when you would have preferred to say ‘no’. Don’t worry, you are not alone. Yes, I know saying ‘no’ can be changing, however what I have realised is that I needed to learn to say ‘no’ to some opportunities as they were taking away from the time and energy I could invest following my own dreams. As Paulo Coelho so eloquently said,

“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself!”

2. Getting a Good Idea

Ever had a good idea or a dream and not follow through on it? Yep – I have been there as well 🙂 However, I have learnt to honour those ideas and now have a process in place to honour them. This process helps me to decide if I want to follow through on them or not. Oprah said it this way –

“There is nothing worse than betraying yourself.”

3. Being Super Judgmental

Now if you have been around here for a while, you might know I spent many years untangling my own judgement. This became very draining for me personally and I needed to learn another way. Fortunately, I did and continue to practise being kind to myself. Diane Von Furstenberg said it like this –

“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”


There are also other ways we can betray ourselves, including –

  • Purchasing items that you know you cannot afford,
  • Looking for people to ‘complete you’,
  • Comparing ourselves to other people,
  • Being friends with people who hurt you, and
  • Not being present in the moment.


Why Does Self-Betrayal Matter?

For me, self-betrayal matters because you matter. Yes, truly! Your feelings, your dreams, your health, your voice. your relationships. they all matter as they are part of you 🙂


Over to You…

I hope this has given you some insight in to the ways we can betray ourselves. Remember – life is an adventure and we are here to grown and evolve. So be kind to yourself 🙂


If you are ready to reclaim your courage and take the next step towards freedom and opening your heartwhy not join our Toolkit?

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