5 Ways to Start Befriending Your Self and Your Life

A few years back now (22/2/15), I made a promise to learn to become my own best friend. Wow oh wow, I didn’t realise how much of a process that would be or where that adventure would take me! So today, I wanted to share a bit more about befriending your Self.


What Does Befriend Mean?

Simply, the definitions of befriend say –


The Meaning of Befriending Yourself for You…

After reading the above definitions on befriend, what does befriending yourself mean for you? Maybe something like –

  • becoming or acting as a friend to oneself or yourself?,
  • acting as a friend to; helping oneself or yourself, or
  • making friends or become friendly with oneself or yourself?

Back in 2015, I wrote about some ways I was breaking that down, so I could learn to be my own best friend. However, what does that truly mean in your language?


Why is Befriending Your Self and Your Life Important?

Befriending your Self is important as it helps you to be on your own side of life, be responsible, take ownership and accountability of your own life. It supports you to untangle from denial, abandoning and betraying your true Self (which is why I use a capital S). Basically standing in your own power and having confidence in yourself. The word “power” comes from the Latin word “posse”, which means “be able”.


What Gets in the Way of Befriending Our Selves?

Many of us find it much easier to develop friendships with other people than to be friends with our Selves. Subsequently, we often forget the essential step of being friends with our Selves first (as we cannot truly give what we don’t have). So what can get in the way of being friends with our Selves and our life –

1. Our Beliefs and Perceptions –

Maybe there are some beliefs and perceptions about ourselves and our bodies that get in the way of us liking ourselves. For example – maybe we cannot accept the fact we don’t have the hair or eye colour we would like or are not able to run as fast as a friend or do not have the strength to deal with our challenges in life.

2. Our Achievements –

Maybe there were times in life where we didn’t achieve what we set out to do. Subsequently, we may have felt we lacked something or were not worthy enough when we compared ourselves to another person.

3. Our Personality Traits –

Ever wish you were more of an extrovert than an introvert? Or maybe there are some other personality traits that you find challenging about yourself?

4. Our Expectations

Ever felt like you fell short of your own or other people’s expectations of you in the past? Maybe that has impacted how we treat and respond to ourselves?

Some other things that could get in the way of us liking ourselves – include our past, our background, culture and/or the skills we are born with. Is there anything else you can think of that gets in the way of developing a kind and compassionate relationship with yourself and your life? If so, feel free to share it below in the comments.


5 Ways to Start Befriending Your Self and Your Life…

Before I share 5, please note there are many ways to becoming your own best friend! However, 5 ways to start befriending your Self include –

1. Increasing Self-Knowledge

Do you know your passions, your deepest fears, vision, purpose. Getting to know yourself is an adventure and when we go on this adventure we discover as the Tao the Ching says –

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.” 

2. Practising Regular Self-Care

This one took me a while to realise, however little by little when I regularly take care of myself, I find that I have more to give to other people.

“Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort.” ~ Deborah Day.

3. Respecting Yourself –

I truly believe everyone is here for a purpose, so it is important to respect yourself and your own opinions. This quote articulates this well –

“Character – the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life, is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~ Joan Didion.

4. Practising Emotional Literacy

Trust me, I know vulnerability is challenging (well maybe it is just me), however learning and then practising emotional literacy has truly been a gift in (un)learning to befriend myself. As Eckhart Tolle has said –

“Feelings will get you closer to who you really are than thinking.

5. Knowing and Developing Your Values –

Values are one element that drive behaviours, so not knowing your own values can put you at risk of living someone else’s life and not living your own potential. His Holiness the Dalai Lama says –

“Developing inner values is much like physical exercise. The more we train our abilities, the stronger they become. The difference is that, unlike the body, when it comes to training the mind, there is no limit to how far we can go.”


Questions for Reflection –

After reading the above post, you may like to reflect on the following questions –

  • What does it mean for you to be in greater allegiance with your Self or befriend your Self and your life?
  • Are there any ways that you consciously develop your relationships with others that could be tweaked in to loving yourself?
  • What is one thing you could do this week to develop a greater friendship with yourself?


Over to You…

I hope this post has given you some understanding on befriending your Self and ways start to develop an allegiance with your Self. You may even like to identify one way you can start to become your own best friend and develop a greater allegiance with your Self. If you have any questions, please let me know below 🙂

If you are ready to reclaim your courage and take the next step towards freedom and opening your heartwhy not join our Toolkit?


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